Why Doesn't He Love Me?!
I've asked myself so many times, "What's wrong with me?" I've been dating for three years and no serious, committed relationships have come from any of it. There have been nights where I would become so frustrated. It seems like the guys who adored me were nice but that's all they were--nice. We lacked common interests, chemistry and connection. Then there's the guy who possesses majority of things you want in a partner. You two begin to talk, click and eventually build. But somewhere along the way, things went left and now your Mr. Future joins your list of Mr. Pasts.
I've wasted so much time analyzing things I could not control--people and the past. "Maybe he was thinking this or that", "maybe I should have reworded that message", "oh crap, I shouldn't have went off--now he thinks I'm crazy and definitely doesn't want me."
I'm dedicating this post to the woman who is not perfect. You've dated and you've made mistakes along the way. Perhaps you've nagged, acted like a brat, or maybe said the wrong thing at the wrong time. And now, you feel like you are a train wreck and not worth loving. Or perhaps you're the woman who knows your beauty and worth. Yet after countless dates and conversations, you're still single and often wonder "Why doesn't he love me?"
I wish I could tell you that whenever you meet your King, you will be 'Perfect Patty'--everything you do will be JUST RIGHT. The way you talk, the things you say, you'll never have a mood swing, and your love timeline will be exactly the way you planned it. That's a lie.
"The truth is, none of us are easy to date, deal with, or please all of the time. We have our vices, attitudes and way of doing things that make us who we are. You won't like everything about somebody, that's impossible. This is life, and it isn't about finding the perfect person, it isn't about living some fairy tale; it's about finding something you're willing to work for, with somebody who's willing to work with you. That simple, find someone who has a heart for you and never stop fighting for them" (Unknown).
For so long I would put men on pedestals. I let their opinions of me validate who I was. If they didn't commit or want me then I would think, "Well there HAS to be something wrong with me because why aren't they with me!" I had to learn that when you put your self-worth in the hands of man, you will always be under valued.
Sometimes God will blind a peasant from seeing the beauty, grace, and heart of His most precious Queen, just to protect her from a potential heartache.
Timing has been my worst enemy. Most men who I dated or talked to would label me as the "wifey type". However, they simply weren't ready for the "wifey" type woman at that point in their life. The problem with being labeled this at such a young age is that you become the "when I'm ready" woman.
"Once I get settled in my career, I'm going to pursue T... Once I sow these wild oats, I'm coming to her and I'm going to be ready... When I'm ready for a woman who I can seriously settle down with and marry, I will choose her... I know I've made mistakes back then, but I wasn't ready. Now I'm ready to love you the way you deserve..." You name it, I've heard it.
The saying is true--no matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough to a man who isn't 'ready'. And usually when they do become 'ready', you've already moved on and are no longer interested.
Most people would see this as a compliment. "Oh KING, they know you are the wifey type and care about you so much to not ruin anything with you."
But that's not how I viewed it. To me it was like a homeless man throwing away a winning powerball lotto ticket because he wasn't ready to move out his cardboard box and have an income--just plain stupid.
It made me question, "God why doesn't he love me? I'm pretty awesome, I think. If I was a guy, I would totally want to date myself. I wouldn't want to run the risk of anyone else getting with me. Why don't they see me this way? Why can't they see that I'm not a burden and won't interfere with their purpose? Don't they know that I too have my own purpose I'm living, and if I'm their woman I can only bring added value in their life with my love, support & visions?"
I've learned that it's okay to not be liked, accepted, desired or wanted by all men. You only need to be liked, accepted, desired and wanted by the one man--your King. And ladies, your King is not going to let you slip away or make you his last resort. He's going to recognize your value and invest in you.
So instead of wondering "Why doesn't he love me", I want you to change that question to "Why do I love me?" And if you really want to dig deep ask yourself, "Why do I want love from somebody who doesn't want to give me love?"
Confidence is at the core of every Queen.
Go in the mirror and tell yourself: "I'm beautiful and amazing. Nobody compares to me because I am in my own category!" Keep telling yourself that until you start believing it.
No more mopping around sad. No more letting peasants validate you. No more stressing over your singleness. No more wondering why little 'Peter the Peasant' stopped calling/texting. No more beating yourself up if you made a mistake.
It's time to live fearlessly, love endlessly & laugh cheerfully.
I remember reading a book that said you must be attracted to the way a man treats you, before you are attracted to ANYTHING else about him. He can be the most successful, handsome man in the world, but if he can't show respect and consistent genuine effort, then he simply does not qualify for your time and energy.
When that's your mindset, you won't be wondering "Why doesn't He love me?" because you'll be too busy giving your time and energy to those who do love you, or at least have intentions of trying to love you. All of the 'Not Ready Nicks', 'Stuck On Stupid Sams', and 'Can't Make an Effort Carls' will be NONFACTORS.
You matter, Queen. You're worth loving. You're worth the effort, dates, phone calls, chivalry and respect. And one day, you will get those things. But right now, find the beauty in your present situation and peace in the promises of the Lord.
Sincerely,
KING
BEFORE YOU EXIT OFF THIS PAGE, PLEASE READ BELOW:
- I was interviewed and featured in The Source Magazine. Check out the interview here.
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